Distance

When I first decided to start up this blog, I intended on posting once a week in order to document my self care journey; both for accountability purposes and to help encourage others to also take care of themselves. However, life doesn’t always go according to plan. Over the past couple of weeks, life has given me reasons to take a step back from my online presence, the first and most importantly being my daughter.

My daughter has been through a lot in the 4 (Almost 5!! What the heck?!) years that she’s been on this earth. I was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis just 3 months after she was born, developed OCD around the time she was turning 1, and had to go through her father and my divorce at the age of two. All of that is a lot for adults to handle, let alone someone of an impressionable age. In my opinion, it’s completely understandable that she has some behavior issues from these life’s events, but lately she has struggled with communicating her feelings effectively. This has made spending time with her an even bigger priority than it was before. Thankfully, knowing that she has a strong emotional support system in her home life has helped her to slowly regain her happy, bubbly nature.

The other was the unexpected passing of my lifelong friend, April. I cannot put into words how much this loss affected me. I have known April since the 1st grade and have always admired her individuality. She was bold, unique, and could light up any room that she walked into with her personality. Not only was she an amazing friend, but she was an even more amazing mother. She left behind 3 beautiful kids who I hope grow to be as free spirited as she always was. And while my pain at her passing will fade with time, my love for her and the memories of her never will.

These factors, along with random flare ups of my ulcerative colitis, have made me take time to heal both emotionally and physically, so I can maybe return to some form of normality. (Well, normal for me at the moment, anyway.) And while distance may seem cold and, well, distant, it is sometimes the biggest form of self care one can give oneself.